Hey! I have been on ‘orkut’ for some time…and apart from getting to know my blog friends better (It was sooo exciting to go locating them) I have been able to reconnect with some school friends and also been richer by the links which have been helpful in getting me lots of e-books and a peek into an amazing story……uska abhi ‘the end’ nahin hone wala…….will write about it later ;)

So what I was about to share was that I have been able to join my alma mater’s society and among other discussions was this trivia about the guy who would sell lots of savories outside the school gates……sadly none of us were able to recall his name…though most of us had our mouth watering at the mere memory of the smell and taste of amazing ‘aloocut’ and ‘imli’ that we had….This man was old, would wear a dhoti and kurta and would come with a cane stand and a lot of nice stuff…(of typical girlie taste)
And when the school would get over….we would actually shout and yell to be hear and grab with elastic hands as our buses would threaten to leave without us…it was a great deal of nuisance for all those who loved discipline and cleanliness….. :P

But one incident stands out…..It so happened that someone got ‘imli’ from this guy and was having it in the Physics class….now ‘that’ teacher was a cool one…...(by ‘convent’ standard she was more of a rebel)!! So this girl is caught in the mischief…and hands over the remaining stuff to the teacher….no big bother really :)) ….But there was more fun in store….the paper he used to wrap in the imli used to be ‘raddi’ used notebooks and magazines…(I never said it was hygienic ) and this sample was wrapped in some kind of a love letter written by a boy….more like one high on hormones…and with weird spelling and lazy handwriting…..:P and when Ms.S noticed the writing she laughed at it…Now no decent teacher laughs at a small wrap of imli !!

So we asked her to share her thoughts….game that she was…….she asked someone who had equally illegible handwriting to read it….(amazing common sense). Anyways after 3-4 trial runs…the complete letter was deciphered and it was read aloud inside closed doors, while we tried hard to laugh with our mouth closed !!

It was something very very hilarious!! I remember some of us falling over with controlled laughter….. he he he .And it was a ‘prized’ possession in no time…each of us wanted to share it with the rest of our gang …..So the inevitable happened….:P

Since the ‘aloocut’wala used to tear pages from complete notebooks we decided there might be more pages left from the same, now we waited for the school to get over….and rushed to the ‘aloocut’wala with double the speed and urgency ….but sadly some things are not meant to happen……:P :(

We were not able to read another piece of the words uttered by a crazed heart, wounded by the eyes of the cruel girl…..(believe me it was even more tacky than this)

Alas alas !!

Her face was lit by the sudden lightening...it was during times like these when she would love to be alone...it was never a conscious effort to be alone…but she liked having her space...it was essential to her being....Strangely her mind was always preoccupied with the best and worst of the memories during these moments.....

Solitude is a bliss.....it is as essential as the pause which adds meaning to a motley group of words....time, space...lacuna, gap........and a pause.......and how she wished at times to forget 'those' times...and at other times close her eyes tightly and recall the face.....and at some odd moments.....that face would come to her, clear and heart breaking......time had stood still on that face....It was that same face which she had last seen ....when he had come to see her off......and today, even if they sat facing each other it would be near impossible to recognize that face...to make that connection....

Time had moved on......life has changed.....and with each passing day, with each new experience she was changing.....'they' were evolving....that 'something' which was 'all' for them at sometime was getting sliced by the hands of time.......and during some rare occasions when they had exchanged words........it threatened to become 'all'....but then with the passing of the moment .....it would get lost....

Finally. It was time to bid goodbye.....goodbyes are always special......'may God be with you'. And yes, sometimes when the rain drops would moisten her face....the moments would flash....lightening fast.

I am saddened and I am waiting for the numbness to become something more capable…I am frustrated and I am waiting for this frustration to eat up my brain so that I cannot sit idle any longer…watching all that is going around me like a zombie..

Sometimes I wish I was away from all the news and the coverage. Wish I was so mired with my deadlines and my presentations that only ET would catch my eyeballs each day ….

Quota system, some please make me believe that this is in better stand and not just a lazy solution that the politicians are using to cover up half a decade of letting BC be just that…letting them remain illiterate and using these very gimmicks to fill the ballot boxes…someone please make me believe that the discrimination between the haves and have nots will be eventually solved by these quotas…why …do all the have nots, the less empowered, do they all belong to the OBC and Scheduled castes…..??

Someone tell me why should the Maharashtra assembly spent an entire day debating wardrobe malfunction and set an enquiry group to do the needful…..while the farmers, those who have cultivated onion…these left to struggle with the apathy of the government...where are those eyeballs who sit in conference viewing the clipping of the ‘malfunction’ when a farmer commits suicide in the very mandi where he should have been able to sell this produce to provide for his family….

Why does the government spend 29 crores to get the ‘flame’ from Australia to India…why does movie actors and actresses get paid in crores for their dance and drama when it is our players who ‘perform’ …and why does the budget overshoot by 9 crores when all that is accomplished in the bargain to get the ‘flame’ to the next venue….how numb, how many zombies is this country made of ……..And at the other end …..why does a national kabbadi player have to commit suicide….and that to someone who is still in form and not retired…….what is left with a father who earns just 700 rupees per month…..someone promises government jobs and never delivers……why do you need to further frustrate people who are already living on the edge……no one will miss them I am sure of……there are enough hungry stomachs in India who will be ready to play for their country for the ‘promise’ of a decent job…..why care when the supply is in surplus…..simply exploit the opportunity……Ashwariya (I do not care if the spelling is wrong !) is born just once……..girls who can play at the national level is found in every village……Saif ali is celebrated in Australia for his amazing ‘performance’….a stamp has been released by the ‘obliged’ Australian government.

Meerut tragedy is getting coverage and so is the funeral of ‘Rajkumar’…I really do not know what to say……why do mobs occur…….why do people storm DM offices and what goes into the minds of those very people who vandalize the houses on the funereal path of someone…….

I wish I could atleast sleep over it…….but to tell the truth even sleep brings nightmares at times……

When I was in the fourth grade….one of the best lessons I learnt was about metamorphosis, and the example that my ‘Science is Fun’ edition displayed was the lifecycle of a butterfly .My ma is the best when it comes to making studies fun..

So we (di and me) searched for a caterpillar and …..Now when the pupa stage was showing no signs of progressing …we would check each day , a number of times… so that we did not miss upon the ‘butterfly’….it looked kind of impossible for that ‘dry leaf’ to turn into any beautiful thing !!

Finally….the chrysalis showed a sign of change….the mesh pencil holder with the pupa hanging to the twig was brought in open air…The butterfly emerged…but its beauty, the wings were so crumpled and it struggled to come out….it walked…unbalanced itself…we were horrified at the condition…the ‘baby’ was so fragile…we decided to help it fly…and slowly and carefully helped it spread its wings….

What we did not realize then, though we saw the immediate signs that the butterfly was not ‘absolutely’ normal...it worried us no end…but finally we had to let it go...Since trying to feed a butterfly is by no means a ‘human’ job.

We found out later that the butterfly has to pass the last test of survival…it has to pump the fluid up the veins in its wings, that’s how its wings get the ‘shape’ and we had unknowingly managed to jeopardize the scheme of things……

At many junctions in life I have faced adverse conditions, some created by me while the others not quite my fault, at these times it would get difficult not to question ‘why me?’ However, in the ‘scheme of things’ I have realized that things happen, situations change, One has to learn not just to celebrate joys but the moments in life….its fun that ways, and that is what living and learning is about, it’s about ‘adapting’…something which is our very own thing to do and it’s a test for survival….

And yes, another important lesson..…the job is ours to finish…difficult as it may be…we have to learn how to ‘spread’ our wings and fly..

Loving, living and learning from life .